144 Funny bumper stickers

  1. This is it, I don’t have another car.
  2. Warning! I brake for hallucinations.
  3. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  4. My son isn’t an honor student. He plays poker.
  5. So many pedestrians so little time.
  6. Subvert the dominant paradigm.
  7. This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
  8. Today’s mood: Irritable.
  9. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  10. Welcome to California. Now go home.
  11. When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
  12. Your kid may be an honor student but you are still an Idiot!
  13. Boldly going nowhere.
  14. Cover me, I am changing lanes.
  15. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  16. He who hesitates is not only lost bu miles from the next exit.
  17. Honk if you want to see my finger.
  18. I got enough exercise  just pushing my luck.
  19. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
  20. Question reality.
  21. Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
  22. Boycott shampoo! Demand real poo!
  23. Microbiology lab: Staph only.
  24. Honk if anything falls off.
  25. How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
  26. Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
  27. Eschew obfuscation.
  28. Ground beef: a cow with no legs.
  29. A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  30. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
  31. A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
  32. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  33. Cole’s law: thinly sliced cabbage.
  34. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  35. Editing is a rewording activity.
  36. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  37. Honk if you are ontologically alienated.
  38. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
  39. I used to be indecisive; now I am not sure.
  40. My reality check just bounced.
  41. Rap is to music what paint by numbers is to art.
  42. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  43. No sense being pessimistic. It would not work anyway.
  44. The floggings will continue until morale improves.
  45. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
  46. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe Daylight Saving Time.
  47. Anyone who feels the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor is telling you that they have no sense of humor.
  48. Real women don’t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
  49. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  50. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  51. A penny saved is worthless.
  52. Clones are people two.
  53. We are staying together for the sake of the cats.
  54. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  55. My karma ran over your dogma.
  56. This is not an abandoned vehicle.
  57. I don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
  58. It’s as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
  59. I am not paranoid. But that doesn’t mean they’re not looking at me.
  60. My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I am going to miss her.
  61. I is a college student.
  62. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  63. Six munce ago they sed I would never make prufreader, and now I are one.
  64. Beer isn’t just for breakfast any more.
  65. Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.
  66. Is there life before coffee?
  67. Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
  68. The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
  69. My other wife is beautiful.
  70. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
  71. I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
  72. There’s one in every crowd and they always find me.
  73. If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
  74. When you are in love, you are at the mercy of a stranger.
  75. Just when you think you have won the rat race, along came faster rats.
  76. If it’s too loud, you are too old.
  77. Wink. I will do the rest.
  78. The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
  79. Save the whales, shoot the seals.
  80. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  81. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
  82. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
  83. Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
  84. Rehab is for quitters.
  85. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
  86. All men are idiots, and I married their king!
  87. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
  88. I may be fat, but you are ugly – I can loose weight.
  89. Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
  90. I am as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
  91. Learn from your parents mistakes – use birth control.
  92. IRS: We have got what it takes to take what you have got.
  93. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
  94. Which came first? The woman or the department store?
  95. How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
  96. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
  97. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  98. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  99. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.
  100. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  101. Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie!” until you can find a rock.
  102. I am out of bed and dressed: What more do you want?
  103. Who cares who is on board?
  104. Question appearances.
  105. Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.
  106. I don’t care who you are, what you are driving, where you would rather be or what you have on board.
  107. My girlfriend can’t wrestle, but you ought to see her box.
  108. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  109. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  110. I am just driving this way to make you mad.
  111. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  112. Keep honking, I am reloading.
  113. Hang up and drive.
  114. Laugh alone and the world thinks you are an idiot.
  115. Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do.
  116. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  117. I like you, but wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.
  118. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  119. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
  120. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  121. Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
  122. I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  123. How can I be overdrawn, I still have cheques!
  124. Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
  125. Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  126. All generalizations are false.
  127. We have enough of youth, how about a fountain of smart?
  128. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  129. Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.
  130. Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  131. Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
  132. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
  133. My hockey Mom can beat up your soccer Mom.
  134. All men are animals, some just make better pets.
  135. If you don’t like the news, go out and make some of your own.
  136. Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
  137. Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.
  138. He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
  139. How can I get in your way when you don’t even have one?
  140. I brake for no apparent reason.
  141. I don’t brake.
  142. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  143. If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now.
  144. My other car has bumper stickers, too.

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