- High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”.
- You have more beer than food in your fridge.
- Weekends start on Thursday.
- 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
- You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.
- The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.
- Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.
- You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.
- You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.
- You can’t remember the last time you washed your car.
- Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
- You check Facebook more than once a day.
- You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.
- You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
- You’ve fallen off a loft bed.
- You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.
- Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them… sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.
- Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
- You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.
- The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
- Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.
- You go to Target or Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week.
- You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them.
- Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class… anything with caffeine will do.
- Quarters are like gold.
- Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles.
- You live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
- You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc…
- You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home.
- You ask people what YOU did last night.
- Certain things are now deemed “Facebook worthy.” When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them.
- You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian.
- You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
- You sleep more in class than in your room
- Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts.
- You’ve traveled with bags of dirty clothes.
- You go home to do your laundry because you’re too poor to pay the $2… or too lazy to go to a change machine.
- You pay $100 for a book you don’t read once, return it four months later, and get $7.
- More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates.
- You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday’s meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal – a safe bet for any meal.
- You use words like “thus” (see #40).
- You throw out bowls and plates because you don’t feel like washing them.
- Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables.
- It takes preparation… and 3 people… to take out your garbage.
- Going to the library is a social event.
- You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year… you know why.
- You start joining clubs because of the free food.
- Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas.
- You skip one class to write a paper for another.
- You have no idea where your tuition money is going… technology fees? I think not.
- Bicycles don’t seem as lame as they did in high school.
- You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due.
- Girls: You’ve balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave.
- Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
- You’ve written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas.
- Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition.
- Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker.
- Most of your T.A.’s are foreign…what’s the deal?
- You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
- You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
- Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you’d never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim.
- Care packages rank right up there with birthdays.
- You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game.
- You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies.
- Printers break down only when you desperately need them.
- Anything can be cooked in a microwave.
- Two words: bike cops.
- You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone.
- Old school Nintendo… and guitar hero… are pretty much the best things ever.
- Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal.
- You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family.
- You’ve paid bills over $5… in coins.
- You can’t imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ i-pod.
- Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm – jeans are considered “dressy” at certain occasions… like school.
- A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.
- Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
- Your professors speak English… as a second language.
- Your teachers swear in class and no one cares.
- Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok.
- You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants – hey, they’re free.
- Betta fish are like your family.
- You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
- You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing…
- The elevators take forever but you’ll wait 10 minutes just so you don’t have to climb stairs.
- Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they’re standing 5 feet away from the door.
- Showers become more of an issue.
- You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door.
- Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round.
- You donate plasma even though you know it’s pretty sketchy.
- You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.
- You’ve bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you’re too broke.
- You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables.
- You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it’s too cold to walk home.
- People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips.
- There’s always a “question kid” in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up.
- You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don’t have to wash your own.
- Laundry is an all-day event.
- You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them.
- It’s illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore.
- You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations.
- You fill out credit card applications for the free food.
- You’ve eaten cereal out of a cup… with a fork.
- Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again.
- You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet.
- You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money.
- You become increasingly annoyed with the “old” people in class – props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions.
- You admire people’s alcohol bottle shrines.
- You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time.
- You check ratemyprofessor.com (or something of the like) before choosing your class schedule.
- You text faster than you type.
- You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes.
- You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books.
- You open canned food and eat it… out of the can.
- You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute… adds a little flair.
- You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.”
- The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
- You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.
*89. Class size doubles on exam days.