* My husband could have had any women he pleased-he just couldn’t please any!
* Guys have feelings too. But like…who cares?
* So many men, so few who can afford me.
* God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
* My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
* Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
* Coffee, chocolate, men… Some things are just better rich.
* Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
* If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
* Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
* It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
* How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
* Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.
* I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.
* If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.
* I run things at my house! (e.g. the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc)
* Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
* I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.
* Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
* Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.
* Do not start with me. You will not win.
* If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I ain’t going.
* At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all… I just can’t remember it all.
* You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
* My husband is the head of the household, but I’m the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move).