Headlines From The Year 2050

“Florida to Be Readmitted to Union”

“Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock”

“Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen”

“Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were “Just For Fun”

“Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President”

“Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. “This Is True Love,” He Beams.”

“Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues”

“President ‘Bonecrusher’ Jones to Face Chief Justice ‘Mad Dog’ Ortega In Cage Match”

“Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens”

“Younger Generation’s Music Provokes Outrage of Elders”

“D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow”

“Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby’s”

“Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper’s Allegations”

“Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges”

“Baby Conceived Naturally”

“50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss”