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- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
- Job interfering with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
- Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!
- When you can focus better with one eye closed
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
- Every woman you see has an exact twin.
- You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
- If you keep asking your wife “where are the kids?”, but you don’t
- really have a wife and you’re talking to the refridgerator.
- You fall off the floor.
- You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.
- Had “Spuds McKenzie” tattoo removed, replaced it with “Red Dog.”
- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
- Beer: it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
- The glass keeps missing your mouth.
- Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
- When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
- Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
- At AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
- Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
- Having a hard time staying on the side walk – left, right, stumble, fall.
- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom.
- You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
- and Women.
- Every night you’re beginning to find your roomate’s cat more attractive.
- Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
- If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol
- calories.
- The bottle’s empty…that’s the problem!
- Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
- Roseanne looks good.
- Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
- You drink to get over a hangover.
- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
- Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.
- Newt Gingrich…. he’s soooo sexy.
- You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the
- Fourth of July party in Waikiki.
- Red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman.
- Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join AA.
- The shrubbery’s drunk from frequent watering.
- Do you (your name) take this woman…..
- Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie, and Jose.
- Double vision so much the norm, you can’t function without it.
- You listen to the radio and start dancing to Hootie and the Blowfish.
- You can’t remember what your family looks like… or if you have a family.
- Haven’t stopped drinking since Carter got elected.
- You spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their collapse.