You Just Might Be a Graduate Student If…

…you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
…your office is better decorated than your apartment.
…you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the
progress of your own joke across the Internet.
…you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
…you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
…you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your
…everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
…you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
…you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while
researching a single paper.
…there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider
…you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
…you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at
the library.
…you look forward to summers because you’re more productive
without the distraction of classes.
…you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
…you consider all papers to be works in progress.
…professors don’t really care when you turn in work anymore.
…you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than
the actual text.
…you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are
now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
…you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
…you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you
realize that it’s a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
…you find yourself explaining to children that you are in “20th
…you start refering to stories like “Snow White et al.”
…you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without
getting scurvy
…you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
…you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
…you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as
“personal communication”

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