1. Your opening line is, “So what’s your home page address?
2. Your best friend is someone you’ve never met.
3. You see a beautiful sunset and you expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 1.1” on the clouds.
4. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a Web page with no links.
5. You feel driven to consult the “Cool Page of the Day” on your wedding day.
6. You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening toward a flimsy guard rail that separates you from the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death. You frantically search for the “Back” button.
7. You visit “The Really Big Button that doesn’t do Anything” again and again and again.
8. Your dog has his own Web page.
9. So does your goldfish.
10. When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
11. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com
12. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
13. You start introducing yourself as “Jon at I-I Net dot com”
14. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
15. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
16. You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem.
17. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
18. You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
19. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
20. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
21. You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
22. Your spouse makes a new rule: “The computer cannot come to bed.”
23. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.
24. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :^)
25. You turn on your computer, and turn off your spouse.
26. Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage…so you buy another computer, and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
27. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month “unlimited.”