Bra size calculator

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs…
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can’t Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD}Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up !

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.’

‘What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.

‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’

‘Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable .

‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose.’

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
‘There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?’

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, ‘It is all really quite simple… ‘

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Nine ways to know if you have estrogen issues

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my driving-call 1- 800-‘.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space’
8. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
9. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Pregnancy Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Questions NOT to ask at the job interview

  1. What’s your company’s policy on severance pay?
  2. How long does it take your company’s bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?
  3. Do you have a random drug testing policy?
  4. Does your company’s life insurance cover suicide?
  5. How in depth are your criminal background checks?
  6. Does your company’s insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?
  7. How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here?
  8. Does your insurance cover sex-change operations?
  9. Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites?
  10. How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?

I will take two

“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half your job for you.”

Studying the machine the senior VP decided, “Fine, I’ll take two.”

New dean

Listening to the commencement address by the new dean, Professor Papp turned to a woman sitting beside him.

“Can you believe that the trustees named someone so ugly to be our new dean?”

Stiffening, the woman said, “I beg your pardon, but do you know who I am?”

Turning to study her, the professor replied, “Can’t say I do.”

“I’ll have you know that I am that ugly man’s wife!”

Drawing himself erect, the professor shot back, “And do you know who I am?”

“I haven’t had the pleasure,” she said icily.

“Good,” he replied, “then my job’s still safe.”

Blackmail

“Hey, Mom,” asked Ralph. “Will you lend me five dollars?”

“Certainly not.”

“If you do,” he went on, “I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

The woman’s ears perked and, grabbing her pocketbook, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”

“He said, “Hey, Marion, make sure you do my socks tomorrow.”

Adopted son

The backwoods couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called adn told them they had a wonderful Japanese boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way back home, they stopped by the local college to enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “May I ask you a question? What ever possessed you to study Japanese?”

The backwoodsman said proudly, “In a year or so, our adopted son will start to talk. We want to be able to understand him.”

Are you choking?

Out to lunch one day, the immigrants were having a fine time until Hymie began to gag.

“I think I svallowed a bone,” Hymie gasped.

“Hymie,” said Miklos, “are you choking?”

“No, I am serious!”

41 facts about Washington

1. It is America’s coffee capital, with more coffee bean roasters per capita than any other state.
2. ‘The Wave’, a popular fan cheer for the past 25 years, was started by Husky fans at the University of Washington.
3. Adam Morrison, a Washington State native and Gonzaga University basketball star, leads the NCAA Division I in scoring this season.
4. The state is the nation’s largest exporter, representing $34 billion and 5 percent of all U.S. exports: 1½ forest products, aerospace products, apples, tulips, hops, mint, wheat and several other quality
food products.
5. Leading innovators — Microsoft’s Bill Gates and Paul Allen, Starbucks’ Howard Schultz, wireless pioneers the McCaw family, and the Boeing family — live in Washington State.
6. Washington State is America’s gateway to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C.
7. Washington leads the country in technology industry employment.
8. Grand Coulee Dam, the largest concrete structure in North America, is in Washington State.
9. Washington’s residents are educated; it’s the state with most residents holding high school diplomas.
10. Seattle leads the country in residents with more college degrees per capita.
11. Father’s Day was founded here in 1910.
12. The state is home to the world’s largest private car collection featuring over 3,000 vehicles.
13. Washington is home to the largest land mollusk in North America, a foraging banana slug that grows
up to 9 inches long.
14. In Washington, a Seahawk is an athlete, not a bird. The closest thing to a Seahawk is an osprey hawk.
15. Washington’s entrepreneur ial climate has made it the leading state for both start-up and gazelles, or fast growing young companies.
16. Washington, the 42nd state in the union, is the only state named for a president.
17. Seattle gets less rainfall annually than Atlanta, Boston, New York, Houston, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Washington D.C. and Miami, with 37 inches.
18. Seattle has the highest concentration of aerospace jobs in the world, led by Boeing’s 50,000 workers.
19. Our homegrown musicians include Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, Kenny G, The Wailers, Pat Boone, Bing Crosby, Quincy Jones, among others.
20. Petrified wood is the state’s gem, and there’s a petrified forest here that’s considered the most un usual fossil forest in the world.
21. Washington State defines innovation. Some of the leading
employers include Microsoft, Amazon.Com, Nordstrom, Boeing, Costco and Starbuck’s.
22. Washington has hosted the Wor ld’s Fair twice: 1962 in Seattle and 1974 in Spokane.
23. Washington produces 70 percent of the nation’s hops used to brew beer. Coincidentally, to overcome beer breath, the majority of the nation’s mint is also grown in the state.
24. The longest accessible beach in the U.S. is in Washington, the 28-mile-long stretch aptly named Long Beach.
25. Washington is a leader in health sciences research; it ranks tops in scientists and engineers as a percentage of workforce.
26. ‘Tales from the Far Side’ cartoonist Gary Larson is a Washington native and still lives in the Seattle area.
27. Washington has the largest ferry system in the nation — 26 million passengers travel by ferry each year.
28. The state’s nickname is the Evergreen State for its abundant Evergreen forests.
29. It is America’s raspberry capital, harvesting more than 57 million pounds of raspberries each year.
30. Washington is the country’s second largest producer of wine, with its more than 350 wineries gaining international attention.
31. More people in Seattle commute to work on bicycles than any other city nationwide.
32. Washington’s Hells Canyon is the deepest River Gorge in North America, deeper than the Grand Canyon at over 5,500 feet deep.
33. One in every six Washingtonians owns a boat in this state where recreational and the commercial boating industry leads the country.
34. Kennewick Man, a 9,000-year-old skeleton, the oldest ever discovered in the Americas, was found in Washington in 1996.
35. The first revolving restaurant in the continental U.S. was built in Seattle’s Space Needle for the 1962 World’s Fair.
36. The cleanest air in the nation is found in a Washington community, Bellingham, according to the EPA and American Lung Association.
37. Washington’s cows produce m ore milk per cow than any other state, totaling 1.3 billion pounds of milk each year.
38. Seattle’s world-famous glass artist Dale Chihuly has put Washington on the international map, second only to Venice in number and skill of glassblowing artists.
39. Mark Rypien, 1992 Super Bowl MVP, is a Washington native and resides in Washington State.
40. Washington is the nation’s top apple producing state, with 10-12 billion apples handpicked annually.
41. Seattle sells more sunglasses per capita than any other major city in the nation.

Mother-in-law’s choice

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He
tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a
bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring the girl over with two other
women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry.
His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother’s house with three beautiful young
ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful
evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, ‘OK, Mom, which
one is the woman I want to marry?’

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, ‘The one in the middle.’

The young man is astounded. ‘How in the world did you figure it out?’

‘Easy,’ she says. ‘I don’t like her.’