1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since
the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
$20.00 Oil Change
1. Go to auto parts store and write a
check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand
cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container
is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole
in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking
for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of
clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of
fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to
$200 Impound and towing fee