Category: Science humor

Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops. The three atonished men try to solve the problem:

The physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque. It has overloaded the elasticity limit of the main axis.

The engineer says: Let’s be serious! The matter is that it has burned the spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo of the radiator. I can easily repair it by hammering.

The computer scientist says: What if we get off the car, wait a minute, and then get in and try again?

10. How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is the essence of being human? Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
7. How do I know I’m not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life? Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.
6. Can our minds exist seperately from our bodies? If they could, we’d just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.
5. Is there a God? A billion Hindus can’t be wrong.
4. What is the nature of Knowledge? I’m still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.
3. What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
2. Why get a Philosophy degree? It’s more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.
1. So, was Kant on drugs or what? Probably.

A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are being interviewed for a
job. In each case, the interview goes along famously until the last
question is asked: “How much is one plus one?”

Each of them suspects a trap, and is hesitant to answer.

The mathematician thinks for a moment, and says “I’m not sure, but
I think it converges”.

The physicist says “I’m not sure, but I think it’s on the order of one”

The engineer gets up, closes the door to the office, and says “How much
do you want it to be?”.

A man goes into a restaruant, sits down and starts reading the menu. The menu
says:
Broiled Accountant $5.95 per plate
Fried Engineer $7.95 per plate
Toasted Teacher $7.95 per plate
Grilled Geologist $25.95 per plate

The man calls a waiter over and asks “Hey, why does the Grilled Geologist cost
so much more?”

The waiter says, ” Are you kidding? Do you know how hard it is
to clean one of them?!?!”

Proof that chemistry and computer programming should never be mixed

When I was in grad school, a classmate and I decided that a very dirty
computer keyboard needed cleaning. We figured that water would be
dangerous to the electical circuitry, so we elected to clean the
keyboard with acetone.

We were right; the electrical circuitry survived just fine. However,
..

The keyboard never had to be cleaned again.

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in view.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. Nobody cares if you are ugly.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you a view (thru
their goto?).
6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you can still participate regularly.
4. If you wear a Bill Clinton mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning, oohing and aahhing.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
1. ?

Relativity : Family get-togethers at Christmas
Gravity : Strength of a glass of beer
Time travel : Throwing the alarm clock at the wall
Black holes : What you get in black socks
Critical mass: A gaggle of film reviewers
Hyperspace : Where you park at the superstore

I am a research and teaching assistant at the Swiss Federal Institute of
Technology in Zurich, Switzerland. Just recently, we corrected the written
exams of about 160 first-year physics students. One of the exam problems
consisted in calculating the length of a bungee cord so that the jumper
would just touch the water at the foot of the tower, given the height
of the platform, the jumper’s mass and the strength of the cord.

The answer of one of the students started with the following sentence:
“For simplicity, I will neglect gravity in this problem.”