Russian and American are talking over a drink. “When I am in a good mood I drive a car that is painted a light color,” says the American.Â When I am busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. And when I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly colored car.
“Things are much easier in Russia, “says the Russian.” If you are in a good mood, they will give you a ride in yellow car with a blue stripe. If you feel bad, the car will be white and the stripe red. I was abroad only once, and there I drove a tank.
Russians asked Japanese to design a new department store. Japanese came up with an idea that all what are needed is just a huge building and two people to work in it.
– Howâ€™s that only two?
– One at the front door, to say: â€œThere is nothing available!â€ And the other one at the exit: â€œHavenâ€™t we warned you?!â€
1. You had to share a room until you were 21.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it s normal.
5. All your children have nicknames, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
6. You know someone with 20 kids
7. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
8. You can fit 10 people into a civic
9. Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can… it mysteriously appears back where it was again.
10. You have lace curtains.
11. You have lace tablecloths.
12. You have or had rugs on your walls.
13. Your mom tells you you’re too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight.
14. Girls can t have boyfriends when they are 17 but they have to be married at 18.
15. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think but they won’t let you do certain things because of what other ‘brat’ya’ and ‘sestri’ will think.
16. You or your relatives have at least five gold teeth in their mouth.
17. Either you or 40 of your relatives drive a civic, eclipse, camry, bmw or accord.
18. Your car windows are tinted twice the legal limit.
19. Going over 100 mph is routine.
20. You’re driving on 2 tickets and don’t remember what your license looks like.
21. You’ve been driving without a license for 2 years.
22. You say “lets meet at 9”, you actually mean “I’ll wake up at 9, take a shower, eat, watch tv and meet you at 12”.
23. You stand around in circles of friends for an hour deciding what to do.
24. After leaving a restaurant, it actually means you’re going outside to the parking lot to talk for another hour.
25. Your uncle/dad fixes cars from the auction.
26. You drive a car bought from an auction. (which u will later sell and make a hefty profit off of unsuspecting American buyers).
27. You know your a new Russian immigrant if you wear church shoes with jeans, shorts, or slacks… while playing volleyball.
28. You know you are a new Russian immigrant if you tuck your shirt in your shorts.
29. At least 5 of your relatives are named Volodia, Yura, Olya, Oksana, Nataliya or Tanya
30. All of your CDs are burned, or u bought them at a Bazar for 2 bucks a piece.
31. You can make Perogis in 18 different flavors.
32. You get kicked out of every go kart, theme park, and anything potentially dangerous.
33. When you work at construction site.
34. You have five leather jackets and matching gloves.
35. You keep your stash of cash under your mattress instead of a savings account.
36. Twelve of your friends get into a movie with only one ticket.
37. Your house is full of foreign medicine that is probably illegal here.
38. You sing at every party you go to.
39. Your mom recycles plastic cups and plastic plates, and sandwich bags by washing them.
40. You don t know how to use a dishwasher.
41. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
42. Your dad has butchered a pig or lamb.
43. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
44. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils.
45. You eat bread with everything.