Tacks

A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, ” I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack o’ dem rubbers gonna cost me?

The pharmacist responds, “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.”

To which the redneck replies, “TACKS! Gawd a’mighty,………..don’t they stay on by therself.”

What’s for Lunch

An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again. If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.

The redneck opened his lunch and said, Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.

Next day – the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican open his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral – The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again” The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch.”