An Academic Problem

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall,
and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk
toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, “When will the
girls and boys meet?” Mathematician: “Never.” Physicist: “In an infinite
amount of time.” Engineer: “Well… in about two minutes, they’ll be close
enough for all practical purposes.”

A Fire

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.

Diagnosing Car Trouble

Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops. The three atonished men try to solve the problem:

The physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque. It has overloaded the elasticity limit of the main axis.

The engineer says: Let’s be serious! The matter is that it has burned the spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo of the radiator. I can easily repair it by hammering.

The computer scientist says: What if we get off the car, wait a minute, and then get in and try again?

The Top 10 Philosophy Questions of All Time, Answered!

10. How do I know anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is the essence of being human? Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
7. How do I know I’m not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life? Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.
6. Can our minds exist seperately from our bodies? If they could, we’d just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.
5. Is there a God? A billion Hindus can’t be wrong.
4. What is the nature of Knowledge? I’m still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.
3. What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
2. Why get a Philosophy degree? It’s more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.
1. So, was Kant on drugs or what? Probably.

Where to Publish Your Paper

1) If you understand it and can prove it, then send it to a journal of
mathematics.
2) If you understand it, but can’t prove it, then send it to a physics
journal.
3) If you can’t understand it, but can prove it, then send it to an
economics journal.
4) If you can neither understand it nor prove it, then send it to a
psychology journal.
5) If it attempts to make something important out of something trivial,
then send it to a journal of education.
6) If it attempts to make something trivial out of some-thing important,
send it to a journal of metaphysics.

A Wife or A Mistress?

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative
merits of having a wife or a mistress.

The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife
and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.

The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of
security lowers your stress and is good for your health.

The mathematician says: ” You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so
that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress
thinks you’re with your wife — you can do some mathematics.