A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies “My computer keeps telling me that i’ve got mail”.
Only Three Doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
New Prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix ‘bim’ could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble – noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled – constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait – short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar – a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag – a blonde’s purse
Bimbrushes – essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon – specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper – special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow – sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? – a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze – the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues – a blonde’s state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette – a young blonde
Bimbonese – language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior – airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle – to fool a blonde
Bimbore – a blonde who uses “like” more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo – another name for a blonde
Bimboron – a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie – a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette – a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden – blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”
Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”
Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?
Is it……..
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.”
“I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%…
No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”
Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”
Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush”
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”
Barbara: “You think?”
Maggie: “I’m sure.”
Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)
Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”
Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”
Regis: “Is that your final answer?”
Barbara: “It is.”
Regis: “Are you confident?”
Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”
Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”