Three women are about to be executed. One”s a brunette, one”s a redhead, and one”s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aimâ€¦”
Suddenly the brunette yells, “EARTHQUAKE!!!”
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aimâ€¦”
Suddenly the redhead yells, “TORNADO!!!”
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready! Aimâ€¦”
And the blonde yells, “FIRE!!!”
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesnâ€™t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, â€œIâ€™m blonde, Iâ€™m smart, I have a good job, and Iâ€™m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.â€
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats â€œIâ€™m blonde, Iâ€™m smart, I have a good job and Iâ€™m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.â€ The head stewardesses doesnâ€™t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, â€œI told her the front half of the airplane wasnâ€™t going to Jamaica.â€
What did the blonde say after he went to the strip mall?
“I was disappointed. Everybody else had their clothes on.”
Why do blondes keep hangers in their cars?
In case they lock themselves out.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally asked. The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.” The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. ‘No woman,’ said one man, scornfully, ‘can keep a secret.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ answered a blonde woman guest. ‘I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.’
‘You’ll let it out some day,’ the man insisted.
‘I hardly think so!’ responded the blonde lady. ‘When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.’
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
A blonde called in inquiring about a travel package to Hawaii. The agent explained their limited travel range. After going over all the agent’s information, she asked, “Well, could I fly to California, and THEN take your train to Hawaii?”
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers heâ€™d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, â€œWhat is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?â€ Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked, â€œWhat goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?â€
The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, â€œWhat is the answer to your question?â€
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”