32 Ways to annoy people in the elevator

  1. As soon as other people get in, start listening to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  2. After staring at the floor numbers, put a voice on that is straight out of The Omen and declare to everyone else in the lift, “Thirteen is my favorite number…”
  3. See if you can get a Mexican wave started.
  4. Ask each passenger getting on if you can please push the button for them.
  5. At your floor, strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  6. Bet the other passengers you can fit a tampon up your nose.
  7. Bring on board a blanket and clutch it protectively, sucking your thumb.
  8. Casually lean over to another passenger and whisper: “They are still watching me!”
  9. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and inform the other passengers that this is your personal space.
  10. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you field marshall.
  11. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead with the palm of your and hand and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”
  12. Hand out pamphlets with religious tracts to each passenger.
  13. Lean nonchalantly against the button panel.
  14. Loudly blow your nose, and offer to show the contents of your hanky to everyone.
  15. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  16. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
  17. Meow occasionally.
  18. Moan from the back, “Oh, no, that motion sickness again!”
  19. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
  20. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
  21. Open your briefcase, peer inside and ask, “Got enough air in there?”
  22. Play the harmonica.
  23. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
  24. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
  25. Shadow box.
  26. Shave. Preferably by lathering up and then using battery-powdered razor.
  27. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
  28. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  29. Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it is getting larger.”
  30. Wear a glove puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers via it.
  31. When the elevator is totally silent, look around and ask the person next to you, “Is that your beeper I can hear?”
  32. Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” ad infinitum.

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