Be Politically Correct With Men

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a CRAP DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND – He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK – He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK – He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He is not a GROPING PERVERT – He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS – He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

He does not IGNORE YOU – He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB – He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES – He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

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