The Bachelor’s Diet

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK – Drink the maalox

DINNER – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST – Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST – Jaws couldn’t eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s

LUNCH – Rolaids and a coke

DINNER – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

THURSDAY:

BREAKFAST – Order out for pizza

LUNCH – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

DINNER – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

FRIDAY:

BREAKFAST – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you.

LUNCH – Skip lunch, Fridays are murder

DINNER – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

SATURDAY:

BREAKFAST – Sleep through it.

LUNCH – Ditto

DINNER – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

SUNDAY:

BREAKFAST – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

LUNCH – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.

DINNER – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

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