Getting Old

(1) Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
(2) I don’t know, now I’m retired, how I fitted in going to work – takes me
all my time to do the chores.
(3) Can’t be bothered going to the Elderly Citizens Centre; anyway, it’s
full of old people.
(4) My idea of exercise is walking to the supermarket and back.
(5) I may do the crossword, but it takes me all my time to understand the
clues, let alone devise the answers.
(6) You know you’re getting old when a young woman offers you her seat on
public transport.
(7) Other day, I was sitting on a tram and a woman standing in front of me
said: “If you were a gentleman, you’d offer a lady a seat”. I replied:
“Show me a lady, and I will.”
(8) I must be getting old. The thing I most like about women nowadays is
their absence.
(9) I have no trouble sleeping; it’s staying awake that’s the problem.
(10) If you make a Will, don’t tell the relatives – let them find it after
you’re dead.
(11) Global warming is coming. I could do with some extra heat, but it had
better hurry up.
(12) When young, I feared Death. Now, I welcome it.

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