The Top 14 Tips for Surviving College

14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.

13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of
your life.

12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and
games until someone loses their ‘nads.

11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water
stain remover.

10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into
lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.

9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your
major.

8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!

7. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious
Ramen Noodle dinner.

6. “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state
colleges.

5. Remember – almost no one complains when you puke in a
dumpster.

4. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into
a 100-page senior essay.

3. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober
people.

2. Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of
it as “acing Biology.”

and the Number 1 Tip for Surviving College…

1. In a pinch, beer can be used as a milk substitute in your
breakfast cereal.

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