Top 10 Excuses Why You Haven’t Graduated Yet

10. Recurring bouts of malaria slow research.
9. Cost of translation from Ancient Sumerian limits
obtainability of important research materials.
8. Can’t remember anything that happened in 1986.
7. Six month sabbatical to train for World Bellyflop
Championships (placed sixth, highest U.S. finisher).
6. I.M. coaching position a lifelong responsibility.
5. Certain I can win with a female gnome paladin.
4. Could type a lot faster on a Dvorak keyboard.
3. Wasted time memorizing UUCP map of the US and
Australia.
2. Thought the major field exam was “just a joke” until too late.

And the Best Reason for Not Yet Graduating:

1. Could have finished years ago, but wanted dissertation to rhyme.

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