How many college students does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Vanderbilt: Two–one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill 
  • Princeton: Two–one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician 
  • Brown: Eleven–one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience 
  • Dartmouth: None–Hanover doesn’t have electricity 
  • Cornell: Two–One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure 
  • Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it 
  • Columbia: Seventy-six– one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest 
  • Yale: None–New Haven looks better in the dark 
  • Harvard: One–he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him 
  • MIT: Five–one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch 
  • Vassar: Eleven–one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation 
  • Middlebury: Five–One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion Stanford: One, dude 
  • Oberlin: Three–one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one 
  • Georgetown: Four–one to change it, one to call Congress about their  progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students
  • Duke: A whole frat–but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket 
  • Williams: The whole student body–when you’re snowed in, there’s nothing else to do 
  • Tufts: Two–one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student 
  • University of New Hampshire, Durham: Four–one to walk to the general  store and have them order a lightbulb from Concord, one to pick it up in 6-8 weeks, one to screw it in, and one to go to his class and sleep for him while he is doing it 
  • Sarah Lawrence: Five–one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it 
  • Swarthmore: Eight–it’s not that one isn’t smart enough to do it, it’s just that they’re all violently twitching from too much stress 
  • Boston University: Three–one to change the bulb and two to check his math homework 
  • Wesleyan: Wesleyan’s boycotting GE… you know,military-industrial complex and all that 
  • Connecticut College: Two–one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the light bulb wouldn’t go out 
  • Virginia: Thirteen–Ten to form student committee to vote on whether changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg the he’s standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr.Jefferson. 
  • Bowdoin: Three–one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb,one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in 
  • Boston College: Seven–one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn’t screw it in upside down this time 
  • Santa Clara University: One–but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs 
  • West Virginia University: Light bulb? Whats a light bulb….? We don’t have those in West Virginia. We use coal oil lamps.

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