20 things to do at the library

  1. Read your book upside down.
  2. Read your book from right to left, flipping the pages that way to make it obvious.
  3. Grab a 1000-page book, thump it down, and begin reading – flipping a page every two seconds.
  4. Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.
  5. Break the silence by making a noise as if you have dropped a monstrous fart, then say, “Wow! That was a good one!”
  6. Read out very loudly and very slowly.
  7. While pointing to a very simple word, like ‘the’, ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.
  8. Look over your book and say, “You! I know you! You’re one of them!”
  9. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a beeping noise.
  10. Announce the page number each time you turn a page.
  11. Glance over your shoulder every few seconds.
  12. Do multiple sneezes, at full volume.
  13. While looking at your book, turn so you are facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say, “Peekaboo!”
  14. Hold your book right next to your eyes.
  15. Pretend you have a nervous, involuntary tic, which concludes with you shouting, “Oooh-ahhh.”
  16. Find a thesaurus and say in complete astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that negative and no mean the same thing?”
  17. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.
  18. Crawl under the table, and pretend you are asleep, snoring very loudly.
  19. Bring a bottle of mouth freshener, miss when you try to spray it into your mouth, get it in your eye, scream in agony, and roll on the floor clutching your eye.
  20. Collapse on the floor. Do twenty push-ups, shouting, “Yes, Sergeant, I have been a bad, bad soldier and twenty push-ups will make a man of me.” Then get up like nothing happened.

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