1- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
2- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
3- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
4- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
5- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
6- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
7- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
8- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
9- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
10- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
11- You should not confuse your career with your life.
12- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
13- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
15- Your friends love you, anyway.
16- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.